Brokeness and Forgiveness

Lord . . . I don't want it anymore
God I need you now in my brokeness . ..

Never would of thought genuine strength comes from brokeness . . .



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The Depths of Grief

 By Miss Shelly



In the depths of her darkness enveloping her very soul, the Intercessor finally realized she was in a prism of dark colors, darkened by grief in every aspect of her life. Everywhere she looked it was defiled with the darkness of sorrow invading her mind, body, spirit and soul.  By now any joy had quickly evaporated. Intense sorrow and grief had crept in like a secret silent killer ready to leap on her already broken heart, when hope was deferred far too long and threatened to smother every ounce of life out of her. It wasn’t quick but dragged its ragged sharp painful edges slowly over the depths of her already bleeding heart. She was in despair and it seemed that there was no way out.


The Intercessor groped for life as if someone drowning, unable to help herself.  She cried out to God in her deluge of despair.  “Please help me God!” It was the cry of her now bleeding profusely heart.  “Please help!” Tears running like a raging river down her cheeks as if the dam was finally broken. She lamented over the death of her husband for days, turning to weeks, and months, finally reaching a year. Totally out of any control, the Intercessor finally surrendered to her beloved Savior weak with hopelessness.


The truth about her “faith” was exposed, showing every flaw and hole in the validity of her beliefs. This was to be a major test, revealing defect in belief of the most High God who professed to deeply Love her.


If that wasn’t enough, she heard the hisses of “He doesn’t Love you!” The snake slithered nonchalantly away. It was the enemy of her soul, proclaiming betrayal and treachery to her thoughts. Her flesh cried out, as it couldn’t take any more pain. “You don’t love me God!” She burst out no longer able to keep those thoughts inside.  The enemy cried out accusing the Great I Am,  using her as a vessel that obviously was not able to handle the pressure of the burdens that come along with widowhood any longer. She was at her weakest moment in her life. She declared herself to be completely defeated, as her flesh screamed out in agony. “ Why God?” She would ask . . . “Why?” “I can’t take anymore of this pain!”


The Intercessor didn’t understand or even comprehend what God was doing. It didn’t make any sense! Her husband was actually recovering from major surgery, but just when the last of the last sign of recovery occurred, as they were finally through climbing the highest point of the roller coaster of life—ready to coast down, his heart gave out! Just like that, totally unexpectedly . . . he was gone! She was left alone to deal with what all widows or widowers have to do and that is to take care of “everything.”  It didn’t matter that she was incapable of handling the burdens all by her self now or that she was truly alone, wounded in this war of life, bleeding and slowly dying from grief her self.  It didn’t matter because the predators of the day would come in for the kill seeking whom they may devour.


If that weren’t enough, all her friends and family would completely abandon her. Now the demon of intense loneliness would slither in to smother any security she may have toward man. Out of her declaration of defeat, the Intercessor would look to the only One who could truly help her out of this great hole of abyss . . . God.  How could this be possible that in reality, God had her where He wanted her? It didn’t make any real sense in the earthly realm, but spiritually, He was taking her under His wings, holding her in His arms—tight, comforting her like she never felt before. He was teaching her true surrender and trust in Him alone. He was a jealous God. She had heard Him before her husband died proclaiming His Word.


Isaiah 54:4-8


4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.


5 For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.


6 For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.


7 For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.


8 In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.




The Intercessor didn’t think it was literal. However, it was true. Here she was, experiencing a “reproach of thy widowhood” like never before. It was devastating. It all seemed hopeless and defeating in her eyes.


Isaiah 55:8-9



8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.


9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.




Today, after two years she looks back at how God had taken all the puzzle pieces of her life and mixed them all up and put the puzzle back together again . . . only this time, she has become totally dependent upon Him. Not looking to man for help, but her God. She fought desperately to seek Him every day, drawing ever so close to her now beloved Husband. Her faith has increased tremendously, and any thought of wavering has been dissolved.


Could it be possible, that she is stronger? Is it possible that any defilement had been erased by this adversity? How could this be? The compassion she now has for the broken hearted is tremendous! She finds herself weeping with the shattered, beaten down, damaged hearts of those around her. She no longer only thinks of herself, idolizing everything about herself, but looks to help others spiritually and emotionally, turning them to the only One who could help them. Oh yes, my beloved reader. This Intercessor has changed . . . no, she has been transformed. She has been transformed closer to the image of her beloved Savior, Jesus. She has painfully experienced a death to her “self” and her “selfishness.” God has nailed her sin to the cross. He becomes one with her each morning as she allows Him to cleanse her with His blood. She is on the highway to holiness. She is on the pathway to life, and to life more abundantly.


Her trust is in Him and in Him alone is exceedingly great. No one else can fulfill that role. Jesus is her God. The order of the day is to seek Him first and His righteousness, and everything else will be added to her.


She has come out of the darkness and now into His marvelous light. So be encouraged, God is no respecter of persons. If you are going through deep, dark waters of life, allow God to take control. Surrender to Him and He will take you “through” and onto the other side.



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"May the Sun of  Righteousness rise with Healing In His Wings!"



Take my hand precious Lord . . .
Jesus holds tomorrow . . .
We find the strength . . .
The Light will come . . .
Jesus is True LOVE!
Let go and cast your problems on His throne . . .
. . .You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance . . .
Can't Live a Day without You . . .
It can be hard to understand Gods Love . . .
Watchman Knee was a mighty man of God . . .

Brokenness . . .truly what is it?


Brokenness – God’s Purpose
The priceless perfume falls to the floor, scattered in brokenness. In disbelief we face two choices: wasted or restored. When facing our personal brokenness, any hope of restoration often eludes us. It seems safer to accept the loss -- unaware of God’s hand in brokenness.

God calls us each of us according to His purpose, assuring us that in all things, His goodness endures.

  • Freed from Shame“. . . I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high” (Leviticus 26:13). As we walk closely with God, our burden of guilt is broken.
  • Delivered from Schemes“We escaped like a bird from a hunter’s trap. The trap is broken, and we are free!” (Psalm 124:7). Praise God for the countless times He has delivered us from our enemies.
  • Rescued in Humility“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). By surrendering our stubbornness and arrogance, He accepts our brokenness and hears the prayers of the righteous.
  • Healed from Within“But he was wounded and crushed for our sins . . . and we were healed!” (Isaiah 53:5). Those who trust in the Lord receive inner peace, as His brokenness satisfies God’s price for our sin.
  • Restored Eternally“. . . He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed” (Luke 4:18). Jesus, the long-waited Messiah, fulfills the Isaiah 61:1-2 prophesy of renewal.


Brokenness – God’s Wrath
Brokenness represents God’s authority over all other kingdoms. The mighty hunter Nimrod, tried to build a monument of human achievement above God (Genesis 11:1-4). As a result, Babel’s (Babylon) people were scattered (broken apart). Centuries later, the Babylonian kings, Nebuchadnezzar and Belshazzar, felt the crushing judgment of God’s wrath (Daniel 4:28-33; 5:22-30). Both kings experienced “The Most High God” (Daniel 4:17, 24, 25, 32, 34; 5:18, 21). Even today, Babylon still represents an economic/political system that compromises God’s will and His Word. We must guard our attitudes and actions, otherwise we also risk the consequences.

  • Covetness“‘Now at last -- look! Here come the chariots and warriors!’ Then the watchmen said, ‘Babylon is fallen! All the idols of Babylon lie broken on the ground!’” (Isaiah 21:9)
  • Disceit“This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: ‘I will break the yoke of the king of Babylon . . . (Jeremiah 28:2, 4)
  • Pride“This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘The wide walls of Babylon will be leveled to the ground . . .’” (Jeremiah 51:58).


Brokenness – God’s Love Through brokenness, we understand sacrificial love. Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, offered the broken vial of expensive perfume to express her devotion to Jesus (John 12:1-3). Jesus, the Bread of Life, broke and multiplied the loaves illustrating none would go hungry (Matthew 14:19-20; John 6:35).

  • Love that Breaks“Jesus took a loaf of bread and asked God’s blessing on it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, ‘Take it and eat it, for this is my body’” (Matthew 26:26).
  • Love that Endures“These things happened in fulfillment of the Scriptures that say, ‘Not one of his bones will be broken’ . . .” (John 19:36)
  • Love that Remembers“. . . The Lord Jesus took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, ‘This is my body, which is given [broken] for you. Do this in remembrance of me’” (1 Corinthians 11:23-24).


Find Hope!

Article for healing a broken heart . . .

"Father, Please Heal My Broken Heart"


The emotional pain inflicted on us by others can be far worse than the physical wounds we experience. What is the right ointment for wounded hearts?

How can you mend this broken man?

How can a loser ever win?

Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.

These lyrics from a popular song of the ’70s, “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?” by the Bee Gees, can certainly make us reflect on our own broken hearts. How many of you have a broken heart now, or have had your heart broken in the past? You have this huge gaping hole in your heart that was left by someone or circumstances. How many of you feel that this hole can never be filled and that you will be left with the hollow in your heart forever?

There can be many reasons why we are left with a broken heart: the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job, loss of status, loss of health, betrayal by a friend, loss of a child and, yes, loss of your childhood. All of these reasons can leave you a broken man or woman.

Along with enormous blessings, I have also had great sorrow in my life. The biggest sorrow of all was the loss of my childhood and never knowing what a loving father is like. I never heard my father say “I love you” or “I am very proud of you.” I never experienced what it is like to feel secure, with a strong father in my life, protecting me and keeping me safe. This reality in my life has left a hole in my heart—an emptiness that I once felt could never be filled.

Even though we have these holes in our hearts, I am here to tell you that there is hope for you and me, and for all the brokenhearted. There is hope for those who sorrow, because there is a Healer who will mend our broken hearts. As David said in Psalm 147:3: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God wants to heal us of all of our wounds.

What is a wound? If you have ever had an injury or a deep cut, you know how painful it is and how it hurts to be touched. Oftentimes sorrow and loss are like deep wounds. They can be so painful that it seems no one or nothing can make the pain go away. Sometimes our heart is so broken that we can’t even express the words and nothing seems to take the pain away.

People who try to encourage us can’t seem to say the right thing. Like a deep wound, a broken heart will not heal overnight. Like some medicines that burn when you apply them to a skin wound, so can a well-meaning friend who says the wrong thing at the wrong time. Who wants to pour rubbing alcohol on an open wound? We search the stores to find an ointment that we can apply to our skin wound that will not burn and then cover it gently with a Band-Aid. It’s the same way with our broken heart. We need the right ointment to bring about healing.

So what is the right ointment for our hearts? How do we begin to heal? How can the hole in our hearts that is gaping open begin to close?

1. Recognize the pain and understand it is OK to hurt. Sometimes we seek to cover the pain by ignoring it or through other means like the use of alcohol or drugs, which will only cause us to get infected and reverse the healing process. Like a deep skin wound, we must apply the right ointment or a Band-Aid so we can begin to heal or else it can get infected and become worse. We cannot ignore our pain and think it will go away.

Understand that it is OK to hurt. We try to push the hurt away, but we can’t. The hurt isn’t outside of us—it’s inside. So, in our attempt to push the hurt away, we actually push the hurt deeper inside. We then can spend the rest of our life running from this suppressed hurt.

By going through our hurts, we are a part of the human race—millions of people who are going through similar pains. It is during this time that we need a lot of love, encouragement and hope restored. We realize how frail we are and see our great need for God.

It is a time to reflect on the true meaning of life and the greatest opportunity of all to draw close to God. It is an opportunity to learn empathy toward others who are going through the same things. You cannot do all of these things if you try to ignore the pain.

2. Seek the Healer. Seek God as your healer! Just like you tell a doctor your symptoms, tell God how much you were wounded and need His healing touch. He will hear the cries of the broken. God the Father wants to reach down, take your hand, and walk you through your pain. It may take weeks. For many of us it will take years, perhaps even a lifetime to close the wounds of our hearts completely. God will spend as much time and as many years as necessary to help you through it.

He wants to gently apply the daily salve or ointment of His Holy Spirit to your heart until your heart is healed. I know this because He has done it with me. When I am down, He lifts me up in many different ways. He is there for me to cry on His shoulder, so to speak, and then sends His encouraging Spirit to get me back up and going again.

King David said in Psalm 56:8, “You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book?” God was so aware of David that He even collected his tears. In the same way God is involved and aware of our pain, our joys, our failures, our accomplishments.

When Hezekiah was stricken with sickness, he poured out his heart to God. God heard him and saw his tears. God was moved with compassion. “Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you”’” (2 Kings 20:5). God saw Hezekiah’s tears. Understand that God can be closer to us when the pain is so great than at any other times in our life.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” wrote David (Psalm 34:18, NIV). Ask and receive God’s love and encouragement, because He is very near to you. God can work with a heart that has a hole in it, because the need is so great for it to be filled.

3. Reach out to others. As God has reached out to us, so we should be an instrument of God to reach out and help others who are in pain. Solomon recognized the fact that people need to be comforted. In Ecclesiastes 4:1 it says, “Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed—and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors—and they have no comforter” (NIV).

Ask God to use you to encourage others through their pain. By your own pain you will be able to understand and help in a far greater way. Christ our Savior was in all points tested and understands all that you go through. He reached out to us by giving His life so that we would be healed.

Isaiah 61:1-3 discusses Christ’s mission: “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor” (NIV).

This will come to pass when Christ returns, but in the meantime we should make it our mission to follow this example, and be instruments of healing by taking the time to care for those who are in pain and hurting. By reaching out to others, our own pain will begin to disappear; the holes in our hearts will begin to close.

Healing takes time

It takes time to heal. In my life, after 25 years, there is still a hole in my heart, but it’s much smaller because of God. Every time I feel God’s presence, every time I see God’s intervention in my life, every time I reach out to someone else, every time God grants me blessings, the hole in my heart gets smaller and is being replaced with God’s heart.

When God returns to this earth, the hole in our hearts and in mankind’s hearts will be filled and mended. There will be no more tears, no more pain, no more sorrow and no more holes to fill in an empty heart—for all our hearts will be filled with God’s Spirit. For as Psalm 126:5 promises, “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.” God will heal all broken hearts. We will no longer feel sad for what we lacked in this physical life because God will fill our hearts and make us complete.

In all your affliction, sorrow, pain and suffering . . .

The Wilderness . . .

The Wilderness

I wish I had the wings of an eagle,
for I grow faint, physically and emotionally,
and I don’t know why.
Jesus, my spirit yearns for Your Word’s soothing touch.

My life is in turmoil, but of whose making?
Is it of my own? Is it from the enemy? Is it from You?

I am in the wilderness, and it is cold and lonely.
The winds of despair and confusion assail me.
Anger and bitterness, sadness and despair
come in like a flood.
I turn to You, oh Lord for comfort.

It feels like You have forsaken me,
but I know You would never leave me, because Jesus,
You promised no one can snatch me from Your hand.
So I will put my trust in You.

I hurt, I hurt real bad, and I can’t shake it off.
I have one glimmer of hope, one ray of light.
Your Word says, “To him who overcomes…”
So help me to overcome,
to hold onto You and trust You.
Then, before I know it,
I will have made it through this.
By Your strength and through Your grace, I’ll have made it.
Your grace is sufficient for me.

Oh Jesus, you are my shield, my very great reward.
You are my hope and my expectation, the very desire of my heart.
But please search my heart , examine me, cleanse me.

I don’t know why I’ve fallen to pieces.
Oh Lord, there’s too many issues, too many implications,
But You are greater than all of these, and I am Yours.
I will praise You, I will exalt Your Name.
I will declare Your faithfulness to the nations.
Jesus, I love You. I need You.
Please come quickly.

Peter Stone

Give Him your life . . . He will heal your broken heart

Brokenhearted . . .

Psalms 147:3

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds


“Healing For The Brokenhearted”


“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). “He hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted” (Luke 4:18). Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (II Corinthians 1:3-4).

Today’s story is written with sensitivity as I share a sad chapter from my own family’s story. It’s also a little longer than usual but I’m hopeful that it will be of some comfort to those who struggle with their past from deep wounds and be a reminder that forgiveness is key to moving forward in our personal lives and upward in our walk with Christ.

I had two grandfathers: Elbert and Elmer. Their names are similar but their lives stood in great contrast. The name, Elbert, brings a smile from deep within my heart while the name, Elmer, stirs up sorrow and heartache from past memories.

My dad was raised in the Arkansas mountains by Elbert and Faye Sherrell. Elbert was a very godly man from whom I trace my spiritual heritage.

On the other hand my mom was raised in Colorado by a very ungodly man, Elmer. He was an avowed atheist who wouldn’t allow any household member to speak the name of God unless it was accompanied by an expletive. Elmer was a vile, immoral man who was physically and sexually abusive driving a great deal of fear into his wife, my grandmother, and his seven children. He was also an alcoholic and a gambler.

Mom rarely spoke of her painful childhood experiences but there was one that she told me several times. Being the oldest child she would accompany her father on some of his trips to town. He’d park outside the bar and tell her, “I’m going in for a drink. You wait in the car.” Well, one drink led to another and the obsessive gambling often accompanied the drinking. Many hours later my mother would still be sitting in the car shivering into the late, cold, dark night.

Mom spent her childhood in Fraser Colorado where a compassionate local physician, “Doc Susie”, repeatedly saw the horrible effects from the physical and sexual abuse my mother endured over the years so she reported Elmer to the authorities. He fled with his family to Oklahoma to escape the police, and from that time on my mother resided in the Tulsa area.

Elmer ran from the police but he never ran from his sin. He continued to abuse and was turned in to Oklahoma authorities where he eventually paid for his crime. I never met him because he was in prison by the time of my birth and was released only a couple years before his death.

To her dying day Doc Susie was endeared to my mother’s heart. Ten years ago we were in Colorado for a family reunion on Stephen’s side and on the way to the resort we passed through the small town of Fraser. My Mom had passed away less than a year earlier so I was unable to talk to her about our trip. But when I saw her home town I wanted to explore my mother’s roots and also see if I could find more information about this heroic doctor whom Mom spoke so highly of.

Doc Susie was well-known throughout the Fraser Valley. As we were walking about the small town we saw a poster advertising that Virginia Cornell, author of a book written about “Doc Susie” was giving a lecture and slide presentation that very evening at the Fraser library! Interestingly, the doctor happened to be quite a pioneer, as she was a female doctor in the mining camps and to the railroad workers in the early 1900′s.

We jumped in the rental van and quickly found the library, only to be greeted by the friendly folks of Fraser with a delicious community potluck supper! After the presentation I privately shared with the author the story of my mother’s background and her great esteem for the doctor. The author related that such compassion was very typical of Doc Susie’s character and she especially cared deeply for the children of the county.

My mother had deep lasting pains from her childhood but after settling in Oklahoma she met and married a man from the hills of Arkansas. Brooklyn had a Christian background with godly parents, a great contrast to Mom’s atheistic father. Mom and Dad raised us in the ways of the Lord, but sadly they spent a large portion of their adult years in a backslidden condition. About six years before their deaths they both recommitted their lives to Christ and demonstrated a growing faith in Christ until He called them home.

My heart reaches out to those of you reading this who have deep pains from your past. Though each of us have experienced some form of brokenheartedness, I have especially observed the ongoing struggles and serious forms of brokenheartedness among those who have experienced abusive childhoods, both in regard to my mom’s background and in the course of our ministry. This is particularly painful when the abuse comes from the very hands of the one in whom God appoints as our protector.

I consider the comforting aspect of Christ’s ministry that “He heals the brokenhearted”. How inspiring it is to read of those who have experienced Christ’s healing from an abusive childhood or abusive relationship of any kind. Tragically, my mother found peace about her father’s abuse only months before her death. Her biggest struggle was learning to forgive him for the irreparable harm he did her. There’s an interesting quote that serves as a powerful reminder of why it’s important to forgive: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy.”

Today I encourage each reader to turn to the One who “heals the brokenhearted” and allow the ointment of His Holy Spirit to bind up your wounds enabling you to forgive your offender and pray for him or her. God may very well want to use you as a conduit for His compassion to be extended to one in need. He uses us to funnel His love to others in pain. We can look back at what we’ve learned on our faith journey and share it with those in pain.

Be encouraged today,

Stephen & Brooksyne Weber

Daily prayer: Father, it is under Your wings that we find You to be a refuge in sorrow! How our heart yearningly turns to Your rest! Often when earth has no balm for our healing, there we find comfort and there we are blest. Under Your wings, there is precious enjoyment! There we will hide till life’s trials are o’er; sheltered, protected, no evil can harm us, resting in Jesus we are safe evermore. Under Your wings our souls shall abide, safely abide forever. In Jesus Name Amen.

Awakening to grief . . .

When Kristen died on July 21, 1985, I felt I committed, in my mind and heart, the ultimate act of failure. I had broken the promise I made on my wedding day ~ to love, to cherish, and to raise our children, if we were blessed with any, to be giving, productive, healthy, and happy adults. With Kristen gone and having no other children at the time, I could no longer do any of those special things. It was that sense of failure and guilt that has kept me anchored in my griefin varying degrees for several long years.


It was not until the Spring of 1994, when I experienced what I call my 3rd 'spiritual awakening,' that I began again the painful process of unshackling myself of my self-imposed anchor. Very early one morning, I abruptly awakened to the feeling of being pulled apart. There were some things in my life that were moving in a positive direction, yet at the same time I felt that I was being tugged in the other direction ~ to a time and place where things 'used to be.' It has been this feeling of being 'stuck' between two worlds that I have lived with, and chose to live with, for a long time. It was as if it just was never the right moment for me to freely move forward without feeling 'tied up.' However, when I awoke that morning, I had a sense that was about to change. I had consciously made the decision to begin to make that move.


Cognitively, I had acknowledged my sense of failure all these years. Yet, that morning I was about to fully acknowledge it and express it emotionally. I was ready to let my mind and heart fully connect. That was a pretty scary feeling, yet very empowering.


As I was resting on the couch very early that morning, thinking about my life and listening to my music, I literally came to the point in my mind of dropping to my knees and sobbing out loud (silently), "God, help me and forgive me!" Even though I knew God had always been there waiting patiently for me, I just hadn't been ready to allow Him back into my life. That morning I felt I had nowhere else to turn, but to God. And He answered me.


Spontaneously, I visualized in my mind holding a closed yellow rose. I literally raised my rose in my hands toward 'heaven.' Instantly God 'touched' me and the rose ~ and I felt this overwhelming love and sense of self-forgiveness and forgiveness from God infuse my entire being. As that occurred, I could see my closed rose fully open ~ a symbol of me being open to healing and growth. It was as if all of my anger and guilt that I had been holding in all these years and hiding behind had burst forth as the rose opened. I was overcome by a feeling of being cleansed and released from my bondage. My guilt and anger had served its purpose of getting me to this point ~ giving me the impetus to get through graduate school and to begin my counseling practice ~ but now it was time to begin to be open to new feelings.


This 'spiritual awakening' was another turning point in my grief process. It didn't mean that it was over, however. It was a small, but powerful step, toward seeking a new and different sense of 'wholeness.' Unfortunately, it hasn't been all smooth sailing since that experience. Over the summer, I experienced not only an 'anniversary reaction' to Kristen's death, but I opened myself up to working through unfinished business concerning my father's death, as well as some family of origin issues I had begun to deal with much earlier in the year, and some other personal issues. To say the least, it has been a 'heavy' few months for me, as well as for my family.


Then came another decision. Even though I felt that God had forgiven me that Spring morning, I felt the need to 'confess my sins' and past regrets before Him in a church ~ a place I had not frequented much since Kristen's death. So one Saturday afternoon I went to a local church, stood before God, and 'told my story.' I asked for forgiveness from God.from my father, for being angry at him for abandoning me.from Kristen, for not protecting her and for being angry at her for leaving me and for not allowing me to raise her as my daughter.from Mary, the mother of God, for it was with her that I made the promise to protect and cherish my children, a promise I felt I had broken.from other individuals in my life, whom I felt I had disappointed and failed.and finally from myself for not being the 'perfect child, woman, and parent' I unrealistically thought I should have been.


Afterward, I felt not only that connection between my mind and heart, but also with my spirit. Nine years ago I was so wounded that I felt the bridges between my mind, heart, and spirit would never mend ~ that I would never again experience that feeling of oneness that I had once felt. As with my other 'spiritual awakenings' (described in other Coping and Healing articles), I now feel that those experiences have given me the strength to begin to rebuild my bridges within myself, as well as with others I care about.albeit with some different and painfully restructured 'beams.' Forgiveness is truly the vital key to unlocking one's own bridges to healing and is a necessary connecting link to inner peace and wholeness.

Deb Lee Gould

I'm broken . . .

God's Love

The Balm Of God's Love
by M.S.Lowndes

When we lose someone we love
The loss seems too great to bear
God sends us friends to comfort us
To show that He deeply cares

But in the dark hours of the night
When there’s nobody else around
When we feel the saddest and loneliest
It’s there God’s love can be found

It’s like a soothing, healing balm
To soothe our broken hearts
The healing oil poured over us
That flows into every part

We can rest secure in God’s love
And know He’s by our side
He holds us when we feel as though
A part of us has died

We can know that God will listen
When we just want to talk
And when we feel we need to cry
We can share it with the Lord

For He is always waiting there
Ready with arms open wide
As we pour out the hurt within
He pours His love inside

Our Father above loves us so much
And will never leave us alone
He will not forsake us in our need
To face this on our own

He comforts us and strengthens us
And rubs us with His balm
And as the dawn breaks through the night
We’ll awake in His loving arms.
Come to me your broken ones . . . .

Brokenness . . .


God will mend a broken heart if you give Him all the pieces.

 - Aesop


Leave the broken, irreversible past in God's hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.

Oswald Chambers


The prayer that prevails is not the work of lips and fingertips. It is the cry of a broken heart and the travail of a stricken soul.

Samuel Chadwick


Towards himself a Christian should have a broken spirit, but towards God it should be one of rejoicing always in Him. He rejoices not for its own sake nor because of any joyful experience, work, blessing or circumstance, but exclusively because God is his center.

Watchman Knee


We want to avoid suffering, death, sin, ashes. But we live in a world crushed and broken and torn, a world God Himself visited to redeem. We receive his poured-out life, and being allowed the high privilege of suffering with Him, may then pour ourselves out for others.

Elizabeth Elliott


Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days - when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when your out of options, when the pain is great - and you turn to God alone.

Rick Warren


Before God could bring me to this place He has broken me a thousand times.

Smith Wiggelsworth


God is looking for broken men who have judged themselves in the light of the cross of Christ. When He wants anything done, He takes up men who have come to the end of themselves, whose confidence is not in themselves, but in God.

 Harry Ironside


God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.

 Vance Havner


Brokenness is the shattering of my self-will - the absolute surrender of my will to the will of God. It is saying "Yes, Lord!" - no resistance, no chafing, no stubbornness - simply submitting myself to His direction and will in my life.

Brokenness is the stripping of self-reliance and independence from God. The broken person has no confidence in his own righteousness or his own works, but he is cast in total dependence upon the grace of God working in and through him.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss


Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit" - contrary to what we would expect, brokenness is the pathway to blessing! There are no alternative routes; there are no short-cuts. The very thing we dread and are tempted to resist is actually the means to God's greatest blessings in our lives.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Have Mercy upon Me . . .

Psalm 51

King James Version


1<> Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

2Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

3For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

4Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

5Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

9Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

13Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

15O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

16For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

18Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

19Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine alter

Touch . . .

 A Touch from the Broken One

 The only way He can use you is if you are broken. If you allow the Broken One to brake you as He has been broken and then . . . and only then can He use you.

1Cr 11:24  

And when he had given thanks, he brake [it], and said, Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me.


Psa 34:18

The LORD  [is] nigh  unto them that are of a broken heart;

and saveth  such as be of a contrite  spirit.

Psa 51:17

The sacrifices of God  [are] a broken  spirit:

a broken  and a contrite  heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Psalms 69:20  

Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness: and I looked [for some] to take pity, but [there was] none; and for comforters, but I found none.


By now, the Intercessor’s life has slowed way down and most of her time has been spent in the presence of her Beloved, covered in His Blood and washed. Her heart has been broken once again at the abandonment of her “best” friend. She couldn’t handle this reproach of her widowhood. The pain her friend saw in her was too much so she left . . . never to return.


“I have no friends!” the Intercessor exclaimed. “They have all forsaken me, when I needed them the most!” Her heart tore. With a sigh she wondered if she will ever have friends. She couldn’t reach out to them, because of the rejection and sorrow. The funny thing is, is that she didn’t do anything bad that would warrant this rejection. “Is this the ‘reproach of her widowhood,' the Lord spoke of?” In her loneliness she felt closer to the Lord than ever. He never left her. Her Beloved would never forsake her. Tears dropped down her cheeks as she thought about this reality. She felt a pain in her heart again.


“I guess I really do know what it’s like to have a broken heart like my Beloved’s.” She thought.


“This last year has been the most painful year of my life.” She realized as she processed the past events up to today. From her husband’s death, to the lies and deception of her so called friends—using her for her money, to IRS auditing her once again after taking $150,000 and another $35,000 from her before. The city where she lived required $17,000 before she could build an apartment for her building she lived in. Everywhere she turned, there was the destructive enemy wearing her down, stealing, devouring and trying to kill. She no longer cared. She had been weakened, showing the effects of the abuse of the serpent. The enemy was pleased at how many vessels he could use against her—even those who claim to be Believers and especially those closest to her. It seemed to be a victory . . . despite the fact that satan was defeated at the cross. She was down, and wondered, “What was the last blow to be?” In her depression and self-pity.


Then her thoughts came to the night when she fell asleep while watching a movie, and her husband appeared next to her in a dream holding some kind of a document motioning for her to sign. She immediately woke up glancing over to her daughter watching the movie, hoping that she wouldn’t notice her concern. Nothing was said.


The Intercessor wondered what document her departed husband was trying to get her to sign. “Was it the Will I need to have notarized?” She whispered, deep in her thoughts. “Was the Lord preparing her for her own passing?” Thoughts began to flood her soul, as she processed them. “What about my 15 year old daughter?” “How would another death affect her broken heart?” “This would be so soon Lord!” “Please don’t take me away right now!” She still had her children who deeply loved and wanted her. They were all she had at this point, and she was very concerned.


She had entered into the year of our Lord 2012, a significant year for her as the seasons change with each year. Could satan have been too late to destroy her? God is far greater within her, than he that is of this world. God really is in control she realized many years ago, so what would this next year contain?


“This must first be a year of forgiveness!” “You must forgive those who have rejected, abused, used, and abandoned you!” Her Beloved announced.


This was just a confirmation of what she knew. It was true; she must forgive all of them!

A word from the Father – JTL ministries

“Forgive all those who have been used as vessels of persecution and reproach by satan and, ‘PURPOSEFULLY’ forget what lies in the "past", begin to set your focus on the "things above" on the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Therefore, it is of the utmost importance that EVERY child of God begins to TRULY apply themselves to walk in an absolute faith [trust in God] - working through a perfect [absolute] love - and "allow" the Holy Spirit to empower them to rise "above" the storm clouds [tumultuous circumstances] and turmoil of the emotions [soul-life] that satan will attempt to use to keep them from positioning themselves properly to receive the "divine restoration" and healing that is needed. We must never fear a situation that "looks" or "seems" hopeless. Whether or not a situation is truly healed and restored does not depend on "natural" means [in fact that is what opened the door to create a negative situation in the first place] it depends on the restorative power of our loving Father, and His hand is not short towards us - and, indeed, ALL things are possible with Him according to His highest purpose.”

“What the Father restores is "eternal" but it will take a continued diligence on the part of God's children to "breakthrough" on ALL fronts in this most critical hour. As one diligently seeks to walk in the love of God each day they will gain a deeper and deeper and clearer and clearer revelation that "Love never fails" to accomplish the goal that Love [the Father] desires to accomplish.”

“I can tell you - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that the Father is faithful to finish the work that He has begun in us [Hebrews 10:23], and He is continually watching over His Word [Will] to perform it [Jeremiah 1:12]. One who truly seeks to walk in love - at ALL cost to themselves - not only will be successful in their goal to love - and be loved [by those who truly love God] - they will be a powerful vessel of divine restoration [the Father's love] in this hour to the hungry and thirsty masses. Because of these things, many will be restored to the Will of God for their life and ministry in this hour, and many situations that seemed utterly hopeless or "irreparable" will not only be restored in individual lives but will also be a catalyst for the greatest outpouring of the Father's love this world has ever seen - as those who have been divinely restored continually bear witness of all that God has done for them in His great love and faithfulness.”



  [Reflections Of The Father's Heart]  


+       Prayer [ongoing communication with Me in the "secret place"] produces intimacy and a supernatural affection [makes the heart grow fonder] - for of all those for whom one prays.

        ...."Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly]".... 1 Thessalonians 5:17 The Amplified Translation

         ...."But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you".... Matthew 6:6 NASB

         ...."Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you".... Matthew 5:44 NASB

“I want you to learn ‘true forgiveness’ and learn to LOVE those who satan uses to hurt you the most . . . even though it may be those closest to you!” It came as the still small voice within her spirit.

 “The pain is almost too much!” the Intercessor cried out in response, to her Father’s word spoken to her that morning, wiping a single tear that dare escape from her eye. “It’s so hard to love unconditionally those who hurt you!” Her emotions began to rise. She continued, knowing darn well that there is no other way. She wanted all that the Lord had for her including the tremendous anointing that comes with forgiveness and yet, she had to trust Him.

She knew she had to let go and allow God to do His work in her life! For she desperately wanted to be set free once and for all! She must trust God! That is all there is to it! Nevertheless, how could she trust when those around her had betrayed her so many times over and over again in her life! Tears began to flow like a river. Now, she had to forgive her husband for leaving her by death. She had to forgive God for taking him away from her. She had to forgive her self.

Moreover, there really is absolutely nothing that she could do but choose to unconditionally Love those who have hurt her and submit to His Love by praying for them! “All you have to do is let patience have its perfect work!” “All you have to do is “lay there and die!” “You must die to your self!” “You must die to the flesh!”

 "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."

She has longed for this deliverance for over 30 years now! It has been such a long, long rough road!

“Oh God!” “I want so desperately to forgive from my heart and be set free!” “I don’t want to put my Beloved Yeshua on the cross again!” Tears began to flow freely again. She felt pain in her heart. The pain was more frequent lately as the onslaught came without delay. Just as it seemed that, she recovered from the last pain, another had come! There was no time for mending so she saw her heart beaten, bruised, and finally, bleeding as the pain became excruciating.

She was dying . . . she was dying to herself, she was dying to her flesh as this adversity was turned to . . . nothing but good.

As we put these things to death, we are able to then put on the new man, renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created us.

1 Peter 4:1-2 Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin; That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.

When a man is crucified, he dies. And when you die, you're dead.

Therefore those of us who belong to Jesus need to crucify the flesh so that we become dead to the flesh, dead to our passions, and dead to our desires.

Galatians 5:24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Now if this is true, why do we still have ungodly desires, and why do we still yield to the flesh and its passions?

“It’s so painful!” She cried. “It’s extremely painful!” Tears flooded her soul. She wept over the sadness she felt. She was grieving now. “It’s hard to let go!” She proclaimed. She had to let go of her mourning, of her sadness, and of her grief and give her burdens to her Father in Heaven. It was time to let it all completely go and put her trust in God to take care of her and her daughter.

“Walking in love and continually exercising forgiveness is the most important matter that we have to deal with day to day and it is the one thing - if held to - that will keep us in proper and pure fellowship with the Father and release the flow of the anointing abiding within us to set the captives free.” JTL Ministries

On the other hand, if we hold to "unforgiveness," we cut ourselves off from the precious and "empowering" fellowship with the Father and His Word which is the prerequisite to carrying out the work of the Church and the Kingdom. Because our conscience is not clear and "condemns" us, those who stepped ahead of the Lord and not allowed Him to cleanse them, have fallen into deception and have become “religious” in thinking that because the gift is still there, they have God’s approval, when in reality the gift is defiled. They have become apostate and they do not even know it! So forgive and give it to the Lord. . . He will do the rest.

zeb 17.06.2021 15:44

Love u mom ;)

Bethany Payne 10.10.2012 18:08

This is life changing . . .

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Latest comments

09.09 | 06:52

Thank you for this! You might enjoy my take on the whole 'Christmas' story, not born on Dec 25th etc,

17.03 | 07:11

Praise God! He is so good to all of us!

16.03 | 22:20

I needed to hear this today. Its been sooo very difficult for a long time honestly asked God if I was the toxic one and just didn't realize it so I could repent

12.01 | 04:32

this is so beautiful and such a testimony to the Lord's healing power and sanctification through our suffering. Much of my walk with Christ is similar to yours.